Here are some links that I have collected, some are friend's sites and some are just great sites that I've found on the internet. Check them out if you have time.
Embarrassing moments The following are the top three
winners of a Most Embarrassing Moments Contest in New Woman Magazine.
1)"While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to
release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab
hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other
patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving *right now*,
she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said
in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now, I
will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'
"The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the
tellers stopped what they were doing! I mustered up the last of my
dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last
thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter"
* Amy Richardson; Stafford,Virginia
2)"It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home,
but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my
girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. "As we lay in bed after
making love, we heard the telephone ring downstairs. I suggested to my
girlfriend that I give her a piggyback ride to the phone. Since we
didn't want to miss the call, we didn't have time to get dressed. When
we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a
whole crowd of people yelled, 'SURPRISE!' My entire family - aunts,
uncles, Grandparents, cousins and all my friends were standing there!
My girlfriend and I were frozen in a state of shock and embarrassment
for what seemed like an eternity. "Since then, no one in my family has
planned a surprise party again." * Tim Cahill; Poughkeepsie, New York
3)A lady who picked up several items at a discount store. When she
finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had
no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the
intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear: "PRICE CHECK ON
LANE THIRTEEN,TAMPAX, SUPERSIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at
the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "tampax" for
"THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the
intercom: "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE
KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"
In February, according to police in Windsor, Ont., Daniel Kolta, 27,
and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning
a tie in the game of chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles.
Happy birthday to Tina Fey, who turns 42 today. As a tribute, we've compiled some of the best Tina Fey quotes of all time:
"On Fox News, they address her as Governor Palin. Which is like calling me 'Dairy Queen employee.' I was once, but I quit." —Tina Fey
"Politics aside, the success of Sarah Palin and women like her is good for all women -- except, of course, those who will end up, you know, like, paying for their own rape kit 'n' stuff. But for everybody else, it's a win-win. Unless you're a gay woman who wants to marry your partner of 20 years-- whatever. But for most women, the success of conservative women is good for all of us. Unless you believe in evolution. You know -- actually, I take it back. The whole thing's a disaster." —Tina Fey
"Politics and prostitution have to be the only jobs where inexperience is considered a virtue. In what other profession would you brag about not knowing stuff? 'I'm not one of those fancy Harvard heart surgeons. I'm just an unlicensed plumber with a dream and I'd like to cut your chest open.' The crowd cheers." —Tina Fey, Bossypants
See a collection of memorable political cartoons about presumptive GOP presidential nominee Mitt Romney, from the beginning of his campaign to the present.
OPS: For the sake of this discussion... What do you mean when you say "private cloud, public cloud and data center"?
CLOUDIFY: A data center is a bunch of machines that are running most of the time. It could be a bare-bones data center or a virtualized data-center. A private cloud is a data center that has an API for provisioning machines on-demand. It takes away the need to manually decide which VM runs on which physical machine for which user. A public cloud is like a private cloud, but each machine is billed by the hour.
Unless you become a teacher, your final final exam will be the last time you ever see a Blue Book. It’s not just that you will never again be asked to sit and prove your knowledge on a specific subject matter by scrawling bullsh*t your professor doesn’t actually want to read, but you cannot even find these blue books outside of school without ordering them from the manufacturer. So, if these books were going to be part of your hipster plan for post-grad-contemplative-note-taking-in-Starbucks, just stick with Moleskins. If you’re a normal person, rejoice! Your fate will no longer be tied to those haphazardly stapled pages of doom. It will be tied to important stuff, like how much your boss likes you.
Last week, the Washington Post reported that as a senior at Cranbrook School, Mitt Romney cornered a student widely assumed to be gay, and forcibly cut his unconventional bleached-blond hair, while a posse of other students held him down. Romney denies any memory of the incident, but admits that he participated in many pranks back in the day, and still likes to joke around on the campaign trail.
Average Salary: $15k-$24k
If getting belittled by drunk high school students/robbed is your thing, you’ll love being a gas station attendant, which provides all the fun of a retail job with the added perks of free lukewarm, day-old hot dogs whenever you want, plus the bonuses paid to you in however many M&Ms you can stuff into your pockets. ...
Happy birthday to Stephen Colbert, who turns 48 today. As a tribute, we've compiled some of the best Stephen Colbert quotes of all time:
"Contraception leads to more babies being born out of wedlock, the exact same way that fire extinguishers cause fires" —Stephen Colbert
"The Democrats accuse the Republicans of launching a war on women. Then the Republicans accuse the Democrats of the same thing. At this point, who can remember who enacted reproductive health restrictions in 36 states including mandatory transvaginal ultrasounds?" —Stephen Colbert
"If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it." —Stephen Colbert
"I've long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens." —Stephen Colbert
In celebration of President Obama's endorsement of gay marriage, see our collection of clever protest signs, funny quotes, and political cartoons supporting marriage equality and gay rights.
Now that Mitt Romney has all but sealed the deal as the Republican nominee (pick up the pace, Ron Paul), it’s time that he start considering potential running mates. Mitt is certainly lacking in the image department, so we here at CollegeHumor thought we would suggest some possibilities that might balance out the GOP ticket this year.
"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself." —Mark Twain
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." —President Abraham Lincoln
"I want you to know that also I will not make age an issue of this campaign. I am not going to exploit, for political purposes, my opponent's youth and inexperience." —President Ronald Reagan, during a 1984 presidential debate with Walter Mondale
In Facebook’s new profile editor, you can now add “Life Events” to your timeline, including whether or not you’ve registered as an organ donor. Get off my back, Facebook. God! I’m getting to it.
Everyone plans on studying for finals, but few actually get the job done. It’s like a bell curve, and that reference would actually make sense if you studied for your Stat final.
After his successful performance at last week’s White House Correspondent’s Dinner, President Obama has decided to sharpen his comedic chops and try his hand at insult comedy. Which is pretty weird of him.
As Occupy Wall Street protesters stage a series of May Day demonstrations around the country, here's a look back at some of the most clever and hilariously effective signs seen at Occupy protests so far.
I want to start this off by pointing out that I knew that I was wrong. No matter how convincing I sound in my explanation, remember, I was wrong. This will come in handy for later when I get into the gist of my essay here.
Ready? Here goes.
So the fiancé and I [...]
As your face gets scruffier, you may become overwhelmed with the urge to drink Starbucks or buy a McIntosh computer. This is a natural side effect of a bohemian lifestyle, and should be avoided at all costs.
When did toothbrushes morph into frightening mutant creatures? Most modern toothbrushes have handles bigger than a Schwinn's, which is unfortunate unless you have a bicycle rack in your bathroom.
In New England, they have strict regulations for drivers -- you must have a valid driver's license, proof of insurance, and a large, styrofoam Dunkin Donuts cup in your hand at all times.
From all of our responses we’ll randomly select one reader who will win a Nintendo entertainment system. Don’t be surprised when the winner looks like me in a wig.
In Hollywood, good ideas are like oil -- they're becoming harder to find, more expensive to produce, and all the good stuff has been coming in from overseas.
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