This is a new project that I am starting, I have gotten so many funny emails over the years and I usually just keep them and/or forward them. Now I am going to post them on this site and just forward the links. If I have time I'll set it up so other people can do the same and we can just have one place to store humorous things but until then, this is it.
Doing this picture made me realize two things.
1. I have very big lips for an 18 year old, caucausion girl.
2. I am obsessed with weird, "freaky" self portraits.
I hope this picture brought you out of your comfort zone.. hehehe. :D
Now, the part where I talk about my day!!!
Today I woke up very late, like 11:30am (yeah I know that sounds weird, but that's actually late for me.) because my stomach was bothering me a lot this morning and I couldn't force myself to get up until it settled down a little bit.
Around 2 me, Robyn, Lizzie, Erin and Michelle headed down to ACAD for a school tour, and man, I AM SO EXCITED TO GO TO SCHOOL!!!! (Another thing you probably didn't expect to hear from me, right? haha) Like, it's such an amazing building and I just can't wait to start my first day of classes on Wednesday!!!!! ♥
haha, after that I went to the grocery store with Kayla and I spent a lotttt of money, haha, but it was so worth it. Especially since the cashier was probably the funniest person in all of Calgary!!! haahahha, like she was freaking hysterical.
In between all of this I played my Pokemon game on my DS and now I'm watching Big Brother!
I miss all of you guys back home!!
and good news!!! Photoshoot planned for next week!!!! SO freaking pumped!!! :D
♥♥♥♥
Dis kitteh, Lilou, hopped on a train to Dublin—wifout paying teh fare, ai might add—and waz later reunited wif her owners after staff tweeted abowt teh incident. Becuz, lyk all kittehs, Lilou iz a spoiled princess, she was issued her very own rail card. So nao she can take trips to teh Temple Bar district anytime she feels tirsy for a pint o’ Guinness!
Dating someone? Well great! Send your craziest, funniest, most embarrassing dating related stories to me using this cool automatic submission form!
So me and this guy had been hooking up/having sex for about six months behind his girlfriend's back (i know, i know, i was 17 and "in love"). One morning after a night of seriously awesome sex, he comes into the Juice it Up where I worked at the time and gets a free smoothie like he usually does. I make it for him and we flirt a bit and talk about how great the night before was...I was super happy, convinced he was finally going to break up with his girlfriend...until he asked me if I could make her a free smoothie too...
-Sara
So me and my girlfriend were at Barnes and Noble a few days ago and saw this biography in the bargain section. My girlfriend looked at the cover and asked me if it was the main character guy from Hot Rod... it was a book about Bob Dylan
-Anonymous
When we just started dating, my fiancé sent me a sexy topless photo of herself on AIM. Great huh? The problem is she sent it to me during my Intro to Business final which consisted of power point presentation shown directly from my computer. So in the middle of my business plan for an indoor water park, her boobs came on screen. I got rid of it quick but my professor docked me 5 points for "distractions.”
Do your parents not understand technology? Do they ask you stupid questions? Do they send you absurd text messages? Do they use words like "MyFace,""SpaceBook,"or "The World Wide Web?" If you've got an example of your Parents Just Don't Understanding, submit it here! And thank God we'll never be as dumb as they are!
Your parents' white board.
My mom is convinced that in order for her to use Skype she needs to have Internet Explorer open so she is "connected to the internet." E Beck
My mom, after years of semi-successfully emailing me, sent me an empty email with an attachment that led to a Google Doc asking me to send her a picture of my new haircut. WTF mom? I'm surprised although I guess I shouldn't be since you still insist on holding the house phone to your ear while you skype me... Jill W from McGill
Every time I'm listening to loud music on my pc, my father still tells me to "turn down the radio." I don't have a radio. Rodrigo Farías
My mom has a friend who was abroad and she chat with her everyday through facebook or gmail. One day she told me that her friend said chatting through msn is faster. She asked, "Is there any in the house?" Vinnie V
My grandmother asked me today if I needed to get a separate laptop to use for my French classes because the one I have now doesn't have french buttons. Scrub Tibbles
People like to make jokes at the expense of WoW players, and with all the videos of them smashing monitors and throwing temper tantrums on the Internet, it's not too surprising. Finding the best Warcraft videos on the web is like trying to pick your favorite pizza topping: They're all so damn good that it's hard to narrow it down. But we did our best. Here's our tribute to the greatest freakouts, pranks, and embarrassing moments in Warcraft videos.
10.
There's emerging genre of Internet video featuring girls destroying their boyfriend's gadgets (or in this case, characters) and then recording the fallout. You can actually see this guy go through the first two stages of grief almost immediately: "Hmmm, that's strange. My main character isn't showing up on my server login screen. No worries, it's probably just some kind of load error. I'll just go ahead and log back in...And he's still gone. This has to be some kind of mistake, unless someone deleted my char....AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! SMASH. SMASH. SMASH." From denial to unbridled anger in just a few seconds!
Faeborit Coment:“Floofier dan a fuzzee mullet..
Fasstur dan a speedee loco moosey..
Abull tu leep tawl clawzits in a singul bownd..
Itz SoopahKitteh!!!”- Shatzeesmoom
They drove five hours to come see their kid at college and thought they could all take in a game together. They would think that. Idiots. Jesus, do they not realize how embarrassing they are? Their kid has lived on his own at school for, like, a month now. He's grown. The last thing he needs is his mom and dad asking about whether or not he's made friends and how his classes are. Just shut up and try to make it through the next 36 hours without humiliating him too much, MOM. Oh, and they're going to Target after the game. There's a bunch of stuff he needs them to buy for his dorm room.
Girl: You’ll never guess what she did. So listen to this: it turns out that her and Sebastian had this weird, sexually tense relationship, and at one point they had a bet going, and if he won the bet he got to f*** her…
Guy: What??
Girl: Well, okay so—they’re really just step-siblings. No one seems to realize that, but it’s kind of important to the story. Because now it’s not that weird for him, right?
Guy: I mean, I guess not. I don’t know if I can get over that though.
Girl: Well, just hang on a sec. Now the bet, and this is where it looks kind of bad on his part initially, is that he couldn’t f*** the headmaster’s daughter—but hear me out! He ends up falling in love with her, right? So it’s real sweet and all.
You know this school you worked so hard to get into? It was this girl's safety school. And she's pissed to be here. In fact, she's still wearing her Princeton sweatshirt she bought in March just so you know that she knows that she's better than you. That's how sure she was that she was going to get in. She will try and transfer as soon as possible, and god help her if she has to stay in this sh*thole longer than a semester.
1. The Jaded Genius
You know this school you worked so hard to get into? It was this girl's safety school. And she's pissed to be here. In fact, she's still wearing her Princeton sweatshirt she bought in March just so you know that she knows that she's better than you. That's how sure she was that she was going to get in. She will try and transfer as soon as possible, and god help her if she has to stay in this sh*thole longer than a semester.
2. That Douchebag From Your High School
Unless you are going to college in one of the former Yugoslav republics, there will be at least one assh*le from your high school who has never talked to you. Now that he is out of his natural environment of your hometown where he is friends with other douchebags, he will cling to you and pretend you have always been good friends. He will drop you as soon as someone that isn't you talks to him.
3. The Foreign Kid
This guy is from some Asian country, and you really aren't sure which. He is dressed very nicely because his parents incorrectly assumed Americans have respect for higher education. He also has thick glasses and a cell phone way cooler than anything they sell in America. In a couple of weeks, he will be the kid ruining the curve on your computer science midterm.
Ears: Ok, everyone, that’s the alarm. Time to get up.
Brain: …urg.
Ears: Oh, shut up brain. What are you complaining about? I’m the one who has to listen to freakin’ Michael Bublé first thing every morning.
Brain: …blurg.
Ears: I swear, if it gets to the chorus and I’m the only one awake for it again, you’re all going to have an ear infection to deal with in about three days.
Brain: Ok, ok, I’m up. Look, sorry about Michael Bublé. He just really likes “Haven’t Met You Yet,” and this is the only time he can listen to it without anyone else knowing.
Penis: But what if some girl sleeps over?
Stomach: Seriously? Have you seen me lately?
Penis: *Sigh* Yeah, I have…damn it.
Brain: Come on, guys, figuring out how to get someone to spend the night here is a problem for four in the morning, not seven in the morning. Let’s focus on getting the eyes open right now.
Eyes: No.
Ears: Come on, eyes, we’re almost at the second verse already. Let’s get going.
Eyes: It’s still dark out. It’s illegal to be awake when it’s still dark out.
Brain: Eyes, we go through this every morning. You only think it’s still dark out because you’re closed. If you just open, you’ll realize the sun’s up.
Eyes: …No. I’m pretty sure you’re lying this time.
Brain: OH MY GOD IT’S A HOT GIRL! HOT GIRL IN THE ROOM RIGHT NOW!
Ever had a moment so nerdy they you needed to tell the Internet about it? Read more nerd confessions at Dorkly.com, and send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.
I work at a TV station and, when I'm not running camera for the news, I build graphics. For one graphic tonight, they asked for music items (orchestra, instruments, etc). I built a custom sheet music bit with the first part of "Lost Woods (Saria's Song)" from Ocarina of Time on the graphic. I'm hoping that anyone that can slightly read sheet music and knows Ocarina of Time watches the 10 O'clock news. -Anonymous
A few weeks ago, I fell asleep making out with my girlfriend because I had stayed up all night playing Braid. -Jean-Luc
When I was 2, I wanted an NES. My parents told me that "Santa" would bring me a Nintendo if I became potty-trained. With little difficulty, I mastered the ability of using a toilet. Christmas day arrived, and I recieved my NES. I also went back to crapping my pants. "Santa" visited my house again in the middle of the night and "stole" my system. He left behind a note changing the terms of our agreement, and promptly "returned" my beloved Nintendo after I agreed to always use an actual bathroom. -Troy
The only thing that pisses me off about being short is that I can't do Sephiroth cosplay without looking silly. -Anonymous
Faeborit Coment:“I see, in order of importance, a belleh that needs floofing, an armpit that needs tickling, and a couple of feet that need smooches.”- RuffTuff
From teh Cheez Archives: A classic video of a kitten who finds himself in a sticky (and smelly) situation after jumping off the countertop. This Klassic Kitteh Moment brought 2 u by Teh Eternal Lulz.
Oh look, dear. The room comes with a cork board. How quaint. It would be better if these walls weren't made of cinder block so you could hang up that Matisse print, but I suppose this will do. I mean, you'd think for the price we're paying that you could get a little parquet flooring, but alright. Do you need anything else? Ok, we're going to stand in the way of other people while you unpack without our help. We'll take a couple brief strolls down the hall to turn our noses up at the Bob Marley poster that unkempt boy is hanging in 12C. When you invite him to our home for Thanksgiving, we'll still only refer to him as "That Boy With the Long Hair."
We're so proud of you, honey. I would say I'm prouder, as illustrated by the fact that I'm paying your tuition, but that's neither here nor there. Haha! I'm so glad we could be together for your big day. We get to be tense and make everyone else on the floor really uncomfortable. It would have been better if we had taken separate cars so we wouldn't have to drive home together, but haha! No, I'm not making digs at your parenting style. If you think I'm such a bad parent, then why don't you just pay her tuition yourself. FINE! I'm going to storm off and leave you guys embarrassed, but oddly not embarrassed enough, while everyone else tries to avert his or her eyes. Good luck assembling that f*cking lamp yourselves!
Hi! Hi! Meet our child. Isn't this exciting? Oh, what lovely wall-to-wall carpeting! Have you met our child yet? This is going to be so much fun! We're going to be so effusively friendly to everyone on the floor that they won't be able to help feeling happier and more comfortable about this new stage of their lives. Unfortunately our child is going to be a huge sourpuss all day and he'll be endlessly needy all year. No one should go out drinking with this young man or they'll end up carrying him home! Ah, we love him anyway. We love everyone! What a lovely duvet you have! Have you met our child yet? < />
When 97-year-old Sophie Thomas found herself surrounded by her neighbor’s pitbulls, her kitteh, Tiger, came to her rescue. Tiger ran out into the pack of dogs, and led them away from the Thomas, who was able to make it inside her home. Tiger soon showed up at the door, completely unharmed. Thomas says that Tiger probably saved her life.
Tiger deserves a medal for bravery! Or at least a tasty treat!
It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 7 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!
My roommate last year was overweight, constantly had her boyfriend over (he literally lived in our suite for 1 month - I once caught him shaving his pubes in our bathroom!), left food and garbage out for weeks at a time, left hair all over the place, and fought with her boyfriend at the convenient hour of 3AM every time he was over. My roommate and I, after countless confrontations, put up with her for as long as we could. One day, however, I woke up late for my morning class and took a packet of her poptarts, leaving a note that apologized and offered to reimburse her. When I got home, I was met with at least 20 passive-aggressive post-it notes all over my door. Fed up, I bought her an entirely new packet of poptarts with a post-it that said, "Please don't bother me anymore. And, by the way, I'm pretty sure I was doing your fat-ass a favor by eating that packet". She also got pregnant and had to leave school. That's karma for you, b*tch.
J.C. from NYU
So, within my first week of college, my roommate had already locked me out (four times), thrown away all my food (it was ruining her "vibe") and smeared some sticky, black paste all over my bed ("for the spirits"). Then, a couple of days ago, I walked in on her hanging a tiny voodoo doll with my face on a little noose made of dental floss in the bathroom. Yeah. I was a little scared. So, I was the theatre star in high school and my friend works in special effects. We set up a little scare for her. Needless to say, my roomie gave up the whole creeper thing when she saw me laying in the bathroom, "dead" and covered in "blood." Maybe I went a little too far, leaving a rope noose on her bed. When she came back an hour later, I pretended like she had imagined the entire thing. Now she is the best roomie ever! Love ya Katie! Molly R.
Okay so this one time I had this annoying, whiny snotty roommate who was always naked in his own room. Whenever someone knocked or came by he would quickly throw on these loose basketball shorts without underwear and quickly greet whoever it was with only the shorts on. One day he pissed me off badly so I went into his room, took his beloved basketball shorts and cut a large hole in them right around the crotch. That day, his family was visiting so I purposely left a hustler in his room ten minutes before they were coming. When his family knocked on his door ready to greet him, he walked out in his shorts sporting a full on, fully
We moved to a much better place with lots of space for all my "kids" and Plasty was just waiting for us there, I guess...the others came three months later in September 14. Hopefully they will find..click the link for more
Since October is Breast Cancer Awareness month, this photo is to remind people to practice breast self exam or enlist the help of a good friend! (These are two rescue animal residents of my Refuge -..click the link for more
Her name is Mishka, she is very smart, cute and playful. On this picture we are in a hotel room in Vancouver, Canada. This was our first vacation together. We enjoy our trip, and we could bond..click the link for more
Here's a hilarious 5 second clip of a chipmunk, yes only 5 seconds, that for some reason is totally addictive. It spawned a whole blizzard of copycat videos and variations with people creating all kinds of response videos.
Definitely more cute than funny, but still it's fun all the same. Here is a video showing Ugobe's Pleo dinosaur, the adorable baby robot dinosaur that is the first artificial life form. You can find out more about Pleo here.
This comes under the category of cool rather than comedy. At the bottom of this blog post about the Pleo dinosaur, an adorable pet dinosaur robot, you will see a video of giant animatronic dinosaurs stomping about at a museum in Hakone, Japan. These dinos are big!
Here is one of the best compilations of funny cat clips I've ever seen. Cats jumping, playing, falling, and pretty much being the wonderful funny furry friends they are!
Elmo and Grover in a video where they do the Numa Numa song like it's never been done before! See Elmo chased by a dinosaur! See a monkey dance really badly! See R2D2 in his most embarrasing role ever in this new parody of the the Numa Numa song (Dragostea Din Tei)!
Check out this frog that sounds like it's from outer space! Follow the link to Digg and watch the video. It's the most amazing sound I've ever heard a frog make! If you like the story, Digg it!
Last post showed Elmo puppeteer Kevin Clash being interviewed by Rove McManus. This utterly hilarious companion video is another interview strictly between Elmo and Karl Rove. Enjoy!
In a shocking new documentary film, "An Incoherent Truth", an analyst from a respected Swedish research firm reveals a frightening secret that up until now, has been kept hidden from public view. After analyzing terabytes of pornagrapy freely available on the Internet, and interviewing thousands of adult entertainment producers, they have discovered that the world is slowly but surely running out of quality porn.
Apparently, millions of attractive young men and women are being lured away from the lucrative porn industry into high paying fields like the food service industry and public teaching positions. This is causing a global drought of available talent that, according to the Swedish analyst, will usher in an economic catastrophe that threatens to destroy the world's major economies.
Puzzled by this dire conclusion we caught up with the analyst, Dr. Holen Dewrongplace, Ph.D, and asked him to explain this startling premise.
Q.: "Dr. Holen Dewrongplace, while we agree that a global porn shortage would affect many of us adversely, why would it cause an international economic crisis?"
Dr.: "Ah ha! That too was surprising to us and we were shocked by our own conclusions. It has to do with a little known evolutionary process that has taken place in the workplace."
Q.: "What is that?"
Dr.: "The positive affect that porn has had at improving productivity in the workplace!"
Q.: "Improving? That's unbelievable! Surfing for porn at work is known to be a severe distraction for many employees, especially government workers and those in the video gaming industry."
Dr. "Yes, That is a commonly held misconception! Those studies never asked a critical question when doing their research."
Q.: "What is that?"
Dr. "Which employees are being distracted!"
Q.: "What difference does that make?"
Dr. "Here is what we discovered. Those that surf for porn at work become very skilled at hiding their activities and fooling their employers into thinking they are working, while simultaneously getting worse and worse at their jobs."
Q.: "A bad thing right?"
Dr.: "Wrong! The reason they are distracted so easily by porn is because they are bad at what they do. The are poorly skilled, usually because they are not interested in their work."
Q.: "Yes I've heard of that, it's called ADD or Attention 'Don't-Give-A-Sh*t' Disorder."
Dr.: "Correct! But the important part is that by being distracted, they leave the competent and enthusiastic workers alone, free to create quality work without having to correct or manage the shoddy errors made by others!"
Q.: "Interesting! I never looked at it that way. You're saying that porn weeds out the low skilled employees like the way evolution will weed out the people who didn't like Snakes On A Plane?"
Dr.: "Exactly! Do you have any idea of the catastrophic effect it will have on the global economy when millions, no billions of poorly trained and easily distracted workers suddenly find themselves with nothing else to do but their actual jobs? Think of the horror and chaos!"
Shaken we concluded the interview realizing that Dr. Holen Dewrongplace was completely right. To the governments and businesses of the world, pleaselower the astronomically high salaries of food service workers and teachers; for god sakes, all they are doing is feeding and educating the world. The world must not be allowed to run out of porn!
(This is satire, if you didn't know that by now you should unplug your computer and stay away from the Internet, especially your e-mail account and any social networking sites.)
A team of robot scientists mounted an incredibly realisting looking face mask on a robot. The face is that of Albert Einstein. The facial mask is extremely lifelike and combined with the facial expression the robot can make, outright spooky (and fun)!
![Come here and give Angie a kiss!! [333/365]](http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4112/4953264570_05528f0596_m.jpg)
Picture by: Unknown
Faeborit Coment: “Noe, wate. Ah liek da bedd heer. Moob da suns insted.
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