This is a new project that I am starting, I have gotten so many funny emails over the years and I usually just keep them and/or forward them. Now I am going to post them on this site and just forward the links. If I have time I'll set it up so other people can do the same and we can just have one place to store humorous things but until then, this is it.
So after thinking up the concept this video, I decided to create some music in Garageband to go with it. Well... the loop I create was good, but it just didn't fit the visuals once I shot the video. So I ditched it. I think the original audio sounded better.
I donated another one of these to the charity auction at ConNooga, held on Feburary 20. Since I was working at the blood drive, I don't know how much money this silly hat raised :)
For commerical type information, see my profile :)
63/365: 4 March 2010.
[for March's general theme of "The Spectrum We Perceive, here is a not-quite rainbow against dark red velveteen.]
This yellow puffer fish with buck teeth was the funniest thing I've seen in a long time. So imagine my reaction when I pulled this image on my computer and saw Spiderman in the background - LOL
Must have been the reflection of a kid's shirt or backpack.
Had to resort again to blackening the background to make the subjects pop out.
Ever have a sh*tty job that you wanted to complain about in a weekly submission-based column named after Blink-182 lyrics? Send your submissions to worksuxiknow[at]gmail.com!
I work at a hotel setting up banquet rooms for special events. All the banquet rooms are named after area sports teams, so one of the rooms is called "Huskies." We we setting up Huskies room for a special event one night and had everything set when the event organizer came in and demanded that we set up their event in a different room. Turns out the event was for a Weight Watchers group and they were offended that they were in the Huskies room, so we had to do all our work over again in a different room. -Chris
My story was posted on your website. My boss saw it. I was fired. -Anonymous
A few years ago I worked at a gas station that shared a dumpster with a restaurant. A long time customer drives in, gets gas, chats with the owner then leaves. About two hours later, she calls and says that she threw her wallet away and that we should fish it out of the trash can. Only thing is the trash was emptied into the dumpster at this point. The owner tells me to go into the dumpster for his friends wallet. I spent an hour knee deep in rotting meat and vegetables from the restaurant only to have my boss tell me that the customer called and found her wallet in her coat pocket. I still had an hour to work and I couldn’t clean up or go home early. -Anonymous
Let me tell you about our crew. We work 14-hour days. We haul equipment up six flights of stairs. We argue with location owners to let us keep shooting. We argue with each other and make up within a two-minute span. We race around town for forgotten art. We make pressured actors feel comfortable. We make background actors feel worthwhile. We have no sick days. Our vacation time is usually unanimous or not at all. We are masters of the tight rope walk between artistic vision and compromise.
Every time I reach the end of a shoot week, I want to cry. It’s something in between exhaustion and raw appreciation for the people that I work with. -Sam Reich
Still interested? Here's what we want from a Production Intern:
* Previous production experience * Enrolled in a related major or coursework * Extremely reliable and great work ethic * Ability to receive college credit * Willingness to learn and work with a team * Residence in, or within commuting distance of NYC (Manhattan) * Coolness
Here's what you'll get to do:
* Be involved in the pre-production and production of all videos * Help out in the office and on set * Be a crucial part of a small team where every member counts * Everything from scouting locations to finding a last-minute Philosoraptor mask.
Want in? All you need to do is send a polite cover letter and resume to chtvinterns@gmail.com.
100 minutes > 60 minutes, sorry, we'll have to continue this next week.
Accounting Department Math
$1000 = $725 after taxes.
Accounting Department Honors Program Math
$1000 = $1275 after taxes.
Economics Department Math
1000 + 1000 = 1650, adjusting for diminishing marginal utility, but assume 2000.
English Department Math
2000 words = 4 pages.
+Double Spacing = 8 pages.
+Offset block quotes = 9 pages.
+Courier New = Required 10 page minimum.
Philosophy Department Math
1000 = Distance to the door.
500 = Half the distance.
250 = Half that.
125 = Half that.
62.5 = Half that, etc, ad infinitium, you can never reach the door, but I see all of you leaving, and thus we know that our entire experitial existence is mere illusion. QED. See you next week, please don't drop the class, it's an easy A.
It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!
My freshman year, my roommate and I swapped jewelry regularly. Her favorite necklace to borrow was a designer knock-off that I bought for $8 at the mall. Apparently she didn't realize it was fake, because when she lost it, she spent nearly a grand to replace it without me noticing. Of course, I never said anything.
Danielle H., Southwestern University
My ex best friend used to invite herself over so much that she basically was my roommate. She would just show up at my house, eat all of my food and then complain about how fat she was gonna get if she ate too much. Then she would "borrow" tons of money to buy herself more junk food with. One day I had her put in her iTunes password into my phone because she wanted to buy a game. Congrats bitch, I got so fed up with waiting for you to pay me back that when I saw your password I bought the most expensive app in the store. Have fun paying for that one, we might be about even now. Anonymous, School Not Given
I recently roomed with my best friend. I thought it would be fun to pull a prank on him while he slept. I decided to drag him into the shower and turn the water to cold. I found out that day that he sleeps naked. Travis M, UND
Imagine Jabba the Hut and Princess Leia had some bastard emo child. That's my roommate. All she does is sit on her bed and eat, then gets up and stinks up the toilet. And then complains, complains, complains! She hasn't once brushed her teeth, rarely showers, and photoshops pictures of herself
(PROFESSOR strides briskly into the room at the exact moment CLASS is scheduled to begin. The look of restrained excitement on his face is counteracted by the emotionally detached and mildly hungover stares of STUDENTS.)
Professor: Statement greeting the class. Poor attempt at joke about the weather/the college/most students probably not wanting to be here.
(STUDENTS WHO WANT TO DO WELL laugh. STUDENTS WHO DON’T GIVE A SHIT remain silent.)
Professor: Horribly strained and inaccurate justification as to why this course is worthwhile and will prove useful in the real world.
(PROFESSOR begins passing out syllabi. STUDENTS’ eyes light up as they see “INTRODUCTION TO COURSE” under class description for first day, as they know it is code for “NOTHING.” Many commence napping at this time.)
Professor: Announcement that he will begin reading the syllabus. Statement that students should feel free to ask questions at any point.
(STUDENTS WHO ARE STILL AWAKE snicker in disbelief.)
Professor: Statement read directly from the syllabus. Statement expressing exactly what is written on the syllabus but in slightly different words so as to prove that hearing him read the syllabus exposes students to information that they would not know if they just read the syllabus themselves.
(PROFESSOR repeats this approximately 2-3 times until he has completed reading the syllabus. He looks up at the CLOCK and discovers that he has completed the day’s lesson plan in 12 MINUTES.)
Professor: Desperate, pleading inquiry into whether or not there are any questions.
36. You and your wife have 16 kittens. Your wife tells you she will have 6 more in two months. What will you have then? A bottle o’ Jack and a vasectomy.
Shia LaBeouf does more than just ruin whatever movie he's in. He has the unique ability to take an entire franchise, mount it, and drive it screaming over a rocky cliff. Whether it's a simple beloved toy line (Transformers) or the champion of modern adventure movies (Indiana Jones), seemingly nothing can escape the death-touch of LaBeouf.
With Wall Street II coming up, we decided to examine the history of Shia LaBeouf, and uncovered a secret that goes back generations. Behold...the curse of the LaBeouf family line.
Shia LeBeouf's most recent disaster came in the form of a vine-swinging motorcycle greaser in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Here Shia really shines, coming out as arguably the worst part of a movie that entirely consisted of worst parts.
Despite being a blasphemously expensive pile of explosive garbage, the first Transformers movie managed to make back a handsome profit by employing the common Hollywood blockbuster strategy of "being a blasphemously expensive pile of explosive garbage."
Now here's where things get interesting. Apparently, Shia's not the first member of his family to be hit by the curse. Tragedy has been the constant companion of the entire LaBeouf line...
Dating someone? Well great! Send your craziest, funniest, most embarrassing dating related stories to me at dating.itscomplicated[at]gmail.com!
Recently I was watching the opening ceremony for the Olympics with my girlfriend and her mom. Seeing as how we are in high school we find it hard to keep our hands off of each other. During the commercials her mom leaves the room to go make popcorn and my girlfriend instantly jumps on my face. After making out for a few seconds she pulls away in disgust. Both of our faces are covered in blood. As soon as we discover which one of us is bleeding profusely out of their nose (of course its me) her mom comes back into the room and is welcomed by the sight of her daughter's face smeared with blood. We both ran to the bathroom and cleaned ourselves up and then explained the situation. I would love to know what went through her mom's head during that first second when she saw us...
-Anonymous
I broke up with my girlfriend because I was not ready for a child and she was demanding one. I then knocked-up a girl I had a one night stand with three weeks later. -M
Let me begin by saying I’m 6’1”, 180lbs, and for no apparent reason, my ex-girlfriend that I dated for over 2 years was convinced that I was going to become fat. Last year towards the end of second semester, my roommates and I were having a bonfire with some casual beers, hot dogs and s’mores. My then girlfriend decided that she was invited and showed up. I ate a hot dog, drank a beer, and began preparing another hot dog, when she looked me dead in the eye and asked in all honesty, “Really?..….another hot dog?” We broke up the next day. What a great 2 years of my life.
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Today, I was assigned a fairy sidekick. Sherlock Holmes had Watson. Batman
had Robin. And I get a f*cking fairy. "Listen!" "Listen!" SHUT THE F*CK UP.
FML
I agree, your life sucks (43251)
- you totally deserve it (7432)
On 11/23/1998 at 8:24am - sidekicks - by Link - Hyrule
Today, I thought I'd do some light gardening. Did you know that "bomb flowers" are
a thing? Cuz I didn't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5738)
- you totally deserve it (7857)
On 11/24/1998 at 4:24pm - gardening - by Link - Hyrule
Today, I saw a girl I had a huge crush on when I was a kid. She thinks she's
a man now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64424)
- you totally deserve it (1321)
On 11/24/2005 at 5:35pm - love - by Link - Hyrule
Today, I accepted a dinner invitation from a goron to be polite. They only
eat rocks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4352)
- you totally deserve it (8211)
On 11/25/2005 at 06:34pm - friends - by Link - Hyrule
1)Rush The rush job made its first appearance when your mom screamed your name to come down for dinner. You're not in this one for the romance of it all. No, this is more like the equivalent of a one night stand in a bathroom stall, but with your hand. It's quick, it's dirty and you're slightly ashamed of the type of person you are afterwards.
When to best use it: Mom went out to get milk / Roommate's in shower / You're in shower
2)Accidental You're having a casual conversation with your friend and BOOM you're touching yourself. Or maybe you're in a meeting with your advisor and WHAMMY, you're doing your patented counter-clockwise head rub rotation. It's not so much an accident as it is a routine that's you've become accustomed to. It's just what you do when you zone out from time to time. I hate to say it, but you should probably stop. It's called indecent exposure and Pee-Wee was arrested for it.
Fun Fact: Accidental masturbation occurs 95% more when wearing sweatpants.
3) Relax You've got 3 papers and 2 exams tomorrow and life just ain't feeling so great because you know you're about to pull an all-nighter. Stress levels are at a maximum and you really need to let loose. Sure, you could try drugs, but let's be honest, that's not really in your budget. So unless you want to start doing yoga like a man who's comfortable with his sexuality, this is the next best relaxation technique for you.
When to Best Use It: Before an oral presentation / Mid-study break / After taking out a student loan
Do your parents not understand technology? Do they ask you stupid questions? Do they send you absurd text messages? Do they use words like "MyFace,""SpaceBook,"or "The World Wide Web?"
If you've got an example of your Parents Just Don't Understanding, submit it here!
And thank God we'll never be as dumb as they are!
Recently, my grandparents got their first cordless phone in their house. Not only does my grandfather always stand within 6 feet of the receiver, but he always puts it on speaker phone then puts it up to his ear, not realizing that everyone else can hear his conversation. After trying to explain this to him, he said "yeah, all phones have speakers. That's how they work. I wasn't born yesterday." Mike R, Morrisville State College
My mom is convinced that cell phones won't work if they're too close to another phone. Richard Hammond, Oxford
When my family and I were watching the Canada vs USA game and Canada scored their first goal they then showed the replay. My mom thought the replay was a second goal and continued to cheer. Brad Donovan
My grandma doesn't have a computer so when she heard of a website she wanted to go to, she asked me to look it up for her. When I asked her what the web address was, she responded, "It's www, dot com." Jonathan A., Iowa
Ridiculous Poses
Beauty. Elegance. Drama. A model embodies all of these qualities. Not to mention the ability to carefully hold ridiculous poses while “Smizing” (whatever that word means) – not to mention living on a strict diet of dustbunnies and sugar-free Redbull.
We moved to a much better place with lots of space for all my "kids" and Plasty was just waiting for us there, I guess...the others came three months later in September 14. Hopefully they will find..click the link for more
Since October is Breast Cancer Awareness month, this photo is to remind people to practice breast self exam or enlist the help of a good friend! (These are two rescue animal residents of my Refuge -..click the link for more
Her name is Mishka, she is very smart, cute and playful. On this picture we are in a hotel room in Vancouver, Canada. This was our first vacation together. We enjoy our trip, and we could bond..click the link for more
Shoot and take out all the enemies that come your way. They will be coming quickly with heat seeking missiles. Use your left mouse button to shoot and the A,S,D,W Keys to move. Good Luck!
Get your ship and attack other ships while going from port to port and creating a massive reputation as being one of the toughest. This game is awesome, enjoy.
![1095 : [Video 365] - Day 068 - March 9th, 2010](http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2753/4421838330_922a98906c_m.jpg)
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