This is a new project that I am starting, I have gotten so many funny emails over the years and I usually just keep them and/or forward them. Now I am going to post them on this site and just forward the links. If I have time I'll set it up so other people can do the same and we can just have one place to store humorous things but until then, this is it.
Little Johnny was in church with his mom for Sunday Mass when he felt a sudden barf attack impending. "Mom, I think I'm going to throw up!" She told him, "I want you to run outside as fast as you can. Run across the lawn and go behind the bushes. You can throw up behind the bushes and nobody will see you." So Little Johnny hauled ass for the door. Less than a minute later, he returned to his seat next to his mom. He had the look of obvious relief on his young face. "Did you make it all the way to the bushes, Johnny?"
"I didn't have to go that far, mom. Just as I got to the front door, I found a box that had a sign on it: FOR THE SICK."
A customer at a supermarket asked Ranjeet, the shelf packer if he could buy half a cucumber.
Ranjeet, went to his boss and told him: "There is an idiot who wants 1/2 a cucumber".
Unfortunately the customer had followed him and was standing right behind him. When Ranjeet realised this, he quickly added "Oh and this gentleman wants the other 1/2".
Later the boss said he was very impressed by his fast thinking and asked him where he came from.
"I come from Chatsworth" Ranjeet replied and quickly added "Nothing much comes from there except musicians and prostitutes."
To which the boss said: "Oh really? My wife comes from Chatsworth".
The quick response from Ranjeet was: "Is that so? What instrument does she play?"
A guy walks into a bar and sees a gorgeous babe nursing a drink. Walking up behind her he says, "Hi, there, good looking'! How's it going'?"
She, having already downed a few power drinks, turned around, faced him, looked him straight in the eye and said: "Listen! I screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, front door, back door, it doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college. I just flat-ass love it!"
Eyes now wide with interest, he responded, "No kidding! I'm a lawyer, too! What firm are you with?
4th of July Jokes
Funny Jokes – 4th of July JokesHow is a healthy person like the United States?
They both have good constitutions!
What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country?
Beneduck...
A sailor came home from a secret two year mission at sea only to find his wife with a new born baby. Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge...
A man was traveling down a country road when he saw a large group of people outside a house. He stopped and asked a person why the large crowd was there...
Each Friday night after work, Santa would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbours were strict...
The husband finally wised up to the fact that his wife was less than faithful. He hired a private investigator to follow her and in less than a week, had all the information...
Funny Quotes – Government Quotes
A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.
- Gerald Ford
Funny Jokes
Funny Quotes – Government Quotes
The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.
- Herbert Spencer
Funny Quotes World
Funny Quotes – Government Quotes
The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.
- Winston...
Funny Quotes – Government Quotes
The government is like a baby’s alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other.
- Ronald Reagan
Famous Quotes
...
Funny Quotes – Government Quotes
Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn’t mean politics won’t take an interest in you.
- Pericles (430 B.C.)
Quotes World
Aquarius Horoscope
20 Jan – 18 Feb
Valentine’s Day Horoscope
Capricorn Horoscope
22 Dec – 19 Jan
Valentine’s Day Horoscope
Sagittarius Horoscope
22 Nov – 21 Dec
Valentine’s Day Horoscope
Scorpio Horoscope
23 Oct – 21 Nov
Valentine’s Day Horoscope
Pisces Horoscope
19 Feb – 20 Mar
Valentine’s Day Horoscope
Libra Horoscope
23 Sept – 22 Oct
Valentine’s Day Horoscope
Aries Horoscope
21 Mar – 19 Apr
Valentine’s Day Horoscope
Virgo Horoscope
23 Aug – 22 Sept
Valentine’s [...]
Aquarius Horoscope
20 Jan – 18 Feb
February Monthly Horoscope
Capricorn Horoscope
22 Dec – 19 Jan
February Monthly Horoscope
Sagittarius Horoscope
22 Nov – 21 Dec
February Monthly Horoscope
Scorpio Horoscope
23 Oct – 21 Nov
February Monthly Horoscope
Pisces Horoscope
19 Feb – 20 Mar
February Monthly Horoscope
Libra Horoscope
23 Sept – 22 Oct
February Monthly Horoscope
Aries Horoscope
21 Mar – 19 Apr
February Monthly Horoscope
Virgo Horoscope
23 Aug – 22 Sept
February [...]
A dentist, an electrician, and a carpenter decide to play a practical joke their best friend on his wedding night.
"I'll loosen some joints on his bed so it collapses when he's making love," says the carpenter.
"I'll hot wire his mattress so they'll feel immense heat while making love," says the electrician.
"Those are good ideas," says the dentist. "But my contribution's going to be a real surprise."
The next day the new husband comes to the diner to meet his friends. He says "I congratulate you guys for making the bed heat up and collapse, but I'm gonna kill whichever one of you put novocaine in the massage oil!"
A kid asks his father for help on a writing assignment. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?"
His father looks up thoughtfully and says, "I'll demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you've learned."
The kid is puzzled, but asks his mother. "Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?"
"Don't tell your father, but, yes, I would."
He then goes to his sister's room. "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?"
She replies, "Omigod! Definitely!"
The kid goes back to his father. "Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on $2 million bucks, but in reality, we're living with two sluts."
A guy stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity: looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the damn ball!"
The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."
"Forget it, man," says his partner. "You'll never hit her from here."
A mother worries that her teenage daughter is having sex and might get pregnant, so she consults several parenting websites for advice.
Later that evening, as her daughter prepares for a date, the mother sits down to talk with her. "I know you are adult enough to make the right decision about your body. But I want you to please try to abstain from sex until you're married. If you must have sex, then please use protection."
Feeling proud of herself for being so pro-active, the mother hands her daughter a box of condoms.
The daughter laughs and hugs her mother. "Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating a girl!"
A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"
The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replies in a letter: "Dear wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money."
A week or so later, he receives another letter from his wife. "Dear husband, you wouldn't believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house and dug up the back garden."
The prisoner writes back: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner
with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to
her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love
for the first time.
* * * * * * * * *
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but [...]
TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS : Maria!
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
FRANK : The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication [...]
Calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide.”
The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”
The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”
The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he exclaimed, “Lord [...]
Friendship is like the relation between hands and eyes.
When the hand gets hurt, the eye cries, and when the eye cries the hand wipes its tears.
Be careful when you do something…
U never know when it hurts someone with a broken heart…
Everyone hears what you say…
Friends listen to what you say….
But Best friends listen to what [...]
Dear Friends,
this is something for the Newly Wedded couples
abhi shaadi ka pehla hi saal tha,
khushi ke maare mera bura haal tha,
khushiyaan kuch yoon umad rahin thi,
ki sambhale nahi sambhal rahi thi,
subah subah madam ka chai le kar aana
thoda sharmate hue hume need se jagana,
wo pyaar bhara hath humare ballon main phirana,
muskurate hue kehna ki darling [...]
I've seen some pretty crazy tattoos but this one takes the cake! Who wants an image of a monkey putting its finger in another monkey's butthole etched on their stomach?
Former heavyweight champion Rocky Balboa (Sylvester Stallone) steps out of retirement and back into the ring, pitting himself against a new rival decades after his initial glory. When a computer simulated boxing match declares Rocky Balboa the victor over current champion Mason "The Line" Dixon, the legendary fighter's passion and spirit are reignited. But when his desire to fight in small, regional...
In theatres December 22nd, 2006. Visit the official website here: Rocky.com
The thrill of putting your life savings on the roulette table can't be matched by anything else, but it's obviously a dumb thing to do. However it paid off for this guy!
The captain of this ship must have been snoozing off or something. Watch this ship fall apart as it attempts to pass under a bridge that's obviously too low.
Here is another Parkour (free running) video created by two guys from Quebec. This "art" has gained popularity from the running scene in the new Bond movie.
A Fox News reporter is fed up with all the drunk Ohio State fans and decides to bodycheck the next person who steps out of line, which happened to be a girl.
The newest couple in America seems to be Paris Hilton and Britney Spears. Both were spotted partying at Paris Hilton's house the night before thanksgivingbut the real news is the bisexual news.
Apparently Britney Spears is bisexual according to Kevin Federline's comments...
"She told me all the time, yo, about how she dug women as much as she dug men. She was always wantin' me to hook her up with another bitch so we could all get busy together."
The claim is coming from Pugbus.net and it is extremely hard to verify the quotes of Kevin Federline at this moment. Either way, this is breaking news in the Celebrity scene and Jokeroo is here to report it.
A lady waiting for a parking spot just can't handle someone else stealing it from her. As a result she tries to bulldoze the other car out of the spot.
Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise are finally husband and wife. The two scientologists had what was known as a fairy tale wedding in Italy. Many of the guests who showed up include, Will Smith, Jim Carrey, David Beckham, Jennifer Lopez and many more. Enjoy all the photos...
Watch these guys who are apparently from Saudi Arabia mock skate down a highway. They are literally hanging out the door of a moving car!
A hilarious episode of "Balls of Steel" where a girl goes around hitting on guys while their girlfriends are with them!
Members of a that Westboro Baptist Church cult are lucky to escape alive after attending the funeral of a soldier who died while serving in Iraq.
There are very few people who can look at Richard Simmons and keep a straight face. The guy is just weird! Once again he proves why....
I've seen some pretty crazy tattoos but this one takes the cake! Who wants an image of a monkey putting its finger in another monkey's butthole etched on their stomach?
The creator of this video is a genius ;). Watch how Michael Richards' comedy club incident is brilliantly mixed into some Seinfeld episodes.
If his looks aren't enough to crack you up, then his answer of "the moustache" near the end will surely get you laughing.
Another funny video by the Chasers guys. This time they decide to test out the whole terrorist screening process at local airports.
A video where some US soldiers in Iraq are engaging in some questionable actions. Is this right or wrong? You be the judge.
A hilarious letter sent to the parents of this teacher's student.
Former heavyweight champion Rocky Balboa (Sylvester Stallone) steps out of retirement and back into the ring, pitting himself against a new rival decades after his initial glory. When a computer simulated boxing match declares Rocky Balboa the victor over current champion Mason "The Line" Dixon, the legendary fighter's passion and spirit are reignited. But when his desire to fight in small, regional... 
I can't believe just how clueless some people are. I wonder what rock this caller had just crawled out from under?
Looks like this man's inclined plane idea failed miserably. To make matters worse, the dirt in the wheelbarrow falls all over him as well.
Pay attention to the floor as this woman is straining herself to lift the weight. You'll notice that it gets a little wet ;)
So this guy decides to play a little prank during a job interview. Surprisingly, the interviewer was hardly fazed by such an absurd question.
The thrill of putting your life savings on the roulette table can't be matched by anything else, but it's obviously a dumb thing to do. However it paid off for this guy!
A hilarious piss take on Tequila which claims that it's the ultimate cure for shyness. The side effects are hilarious!
I'm not sure what exactly is in this salad, but I definitely didn't see any "penis" in there as the lady claims ;)
The captain of this ship must have been snoozing off or something. Watch this ship fall apart as it attempts to pass under a bridge that's obviously too low.
An officer pulls over a drunk driver and forces him to take a sobriety test. As you can see in the video, he failed miserably!
Here is another Parkour (free running) video created by two guys from Quebec. This "art" has gained popularity from the running scene in the new Bond movie.
Well I guess it was only a matter of time until something like this came out ;)
The master of head spinning right here! If his head was any pointier he'd probably drill himself to the other end of Earth ;)
A Fox News reporter is fed up with all the drunk Ohio State fans and decides to bodycheck the next person who steps out of line, which happened to be a girl.
This video definitely isn't for the faint heart! Check out the size of the hole in this old man's head. Unbelievable, I wonder what happened to him?
Soccer superstar Ronaldinho has produced what will go down as one of the greatest goals in soccer history this weekend. What a talent!
These before and after photos truly show the magic of makeup. The next time you see a beautiful cover girl, just ask yourself what may lie beneath ;)
The newest couple in America seems to be Paris Hilton and Britney Spears. Both were spotted partying at Paris Hilton's house the night before thanksgivingbut the real news is the bisexual news.
The title says it all! There's really nothing else I'd like to add other than what the group of soldiers are doing in this video is just plain wrong!
This guy samples himself hitting his drums like an amateur, but then does a great job sequencing the samples into a sweet video.
Watch this double jointed kid maneuver himself into positions I never thought were possible. This guy can literally tie himself up into a knot!
Watch this cutie down a Praying Mantis without much hesitation. Wow, looks can definitely be deceiving!
Meet the man who can bowl backwards! The fact that he bowls backwards isn't that big of a deal, but he actually throws perfect strikes!
Watch this hilarious prank where a man walks around town sporting a (fake) giant boner that's visible by everyone!
Something tells me that Michael Richards was watching this Bill Hicks video before his latest outburst ;)
A guy dresses up as a modern day Robin Hood in Manhattan and starts handing out money. People just don't understand the concept of free money ;)
Here is a simple trick that anybody can do. All it requires is a cup of water, some pepper, and the magic ingredient... dish washing liquid ;)
It has been a while since we've done a game update, but here's one for all of you Prison Break fans.
The giant Yao Ming has been stuffed by Nate Robinson who stands only 5'9. Incase you don't know, Yao is over seven feet tall. What an embarrassment!
This guy is totally pissed at how Mormons bother people at their homes by trying to convert them, so he decides it's time for some payback ;)
A lady waiting for a parking spot just can't handle someone else stealing it from her. As a result she tries to bulldoze the other car out of the spot.
A crazy driver smashes into a parked ambulance. I wonder how he mentioned to do that? The officer was lucky to get out of the way.
Kramer's racist outburst caught on tape! What a terrible thing to do, especially since the new Seinfeld DVD has been recently launched.
Okay the Michael Jackson jokes might be getting a little old by now, but we think you'll have a good laugh at this one ;)
Here's a hilarious video someone made which makes it look as if Donald Rumsfeld is doing all sorts of funny things while speaking with the media.
Certain strings in typed in notepad such as "bush hid the facts" appears all mangled up when saved. Glitch or conspiracy? ;)
Apparently this religious guy has found some anti-Christian lyrics in a Jay-Z track.
Here's a video of Frank Caliendo doing his famous impression on the David Letterman show.
Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise are finally husband and wife. The two scientologists had what was known as a fairy tale wedding in Italy. Many of the guests who showed up include, Will Smith, Jim Carrey, David Beckham, Jennifer Lopez and many more. Enjoy all the photos...
While people are practically killing each other in lines to get the new PS3, these guys decide to smash one to pieces in public!
