Jokes

Trying to get a drunk girl to finish is like trying to take a drunk girl home when she can't remember where she lives. She's like, 'That's not it, that's not it, that's not it.'

In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men. Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous ... or what?"

"Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied. "It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't pout when I yell at them."

What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.

A worker was called on the carpet by his supervisor for talking back to his foreman. "Is it true that you called him a liar?

"Yes, I did."

"Did you call him stupid?"

"Yes."

"And did you call him an opinionated, egomaniac asshole?"

"No, but would you write that down so I can remember it?"

Yo momma is so fat. If she gained another pound, she would collapse in on herself and become a black hole.

This duck walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk says no, and the duck leaves.

The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk again says no, and the duck leaves.

The day after that, the duck walks in the store again and asks "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk screams at the duck, "You've come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes. I told you no every time that we don't have any grapes! I swear if you come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I'll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!"

The duck left, and returned the next day. This time he asked, "Do you have any nails?" The clerk replied, "No," and the duck said, "Good! Got any grapes?"

How do women define a 50/50 relationship?

We cook. They eat.
We clean. They dirt.
We iron. They wrinkle.

The teacher walked into the classroom to find the word "penis" chalked in small letters on the board. She was a bit embarrassed, so she didn't say anything, but rubbed it out and went on with the class.

But the next day when she came in, she found the same thing again - "penis", this time written slightly larger. So she rubbed it out again, and went on with the lesson.

Again next day, in larger letters, there was the word "penis" again. With a red face she rubbed it out and went on with the lesson.

Well, this went on for a whole week, every day the word penis getting bigger.

Finally, on Friday she went into the classroom to find chalked up: "See, the harder you rub it, the bigger it gets!"

I am on my sea food diet right now!

How does it work?

Whenever I see food I eat it!

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!"

The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "BITCH!"

They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road and dies.

If only men would listen.

What's cannibalism?

Men eating pork.

A group of 40 year old buddies discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the White Spot restaurant because...

I've been freakishly skinny my entire life because there's a hole in my butt.

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Black people start making money and want to do stuff we would never do, want to climb mountains. It's right there -- you ain't got to climb it, you got a house. Why you gotta go outside and climb a rock?

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To put that number in perspective, 6.5 billion people is so many people that anything that's humanely imaginable, as you imagine it, somewhere on the planet, there is a motherf**ker doing it.

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There are so many people in this city, so much happening, that it's impossible to tell if your apartment is haunted. Think about that, that's true. 'Cause you can hear anything, at any hour -- there's always something to blame it on.

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Horoscope 2010 – GENERAL A more free-spirited and faithful attitude towards life is with you in 2010, dear Pisces. Your intuition is heightened to possibly even uncanny levels this year. While the year is a contented one on many levels, you enjoy an increasing feeling of hope, optimism, and spiritual protection. You are building your resources, getting [...]

Horoscope 2010 – GENERAL For you dear Aquarius, the year 2010 is excellent for personal popularity and influence, as well as getting personal initiatives off the ground. For most of you, this is a power year, with more power to you for some years to come. You have special charisma and magnetism this year. Saturn keeps [...]

Horoscope 2010 – GENERAL A year-long trend towards greater abundance of personal income is in your forecast, dear Capricorn. You could never be defined as a materialistic person, but your attention this year is certainly on the more material, physical, and practical areas of your life. At the root of this focus is the desire for increased [...]

Horoscope 2010 – GENERAL Communications, learning, and social contact are areas of your life that are undergoing a major transformation in 2010 for you, dear Sagittarius. You may increase your moneysupply through the communications industry this year. In general, you are becoming more conservative with your finances and possessions, and more prudent or cautious in general. At the [...]

Horoscope 2010 – GENERAL A total transformation of your personal life is in the works in 2010, dear Scorpio. Activity on the home front and in your personal life is energetic. You could be making money from home, acquiring new items for the home that involve networking, and devoting much energy to building and maintaining your [...]

Horoscope 2010 – GENERAL A beautiful trend with you in 2010 occurs in the “life departments” of romance, creative pursuits, children, and recreation. Libras are learning to let their hair down and have some serious fun this year! Getting your life completely on track is also a strong theme, but you are able to find a [...]

I have this thing that I do called 'Mysteries of the Universe,' when I gaze up at the countless stars and infinite galaxies. I realize how small and insignificant my girlfriend is. So, I get drunk and cheat on her with my 18-year-old neighbor.

4th of July Jokes Funny Jokes – 4th of July JokesHow is a healthy person like the United States? They both have good constitutions! What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country? Beneduck...

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Funny Quotes – Government Quotes A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. - Gerald Ford Funny Jokes

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Funny Quotes – Government Quotes There is no distinctly native American criminal class… save Congress. - Mark Twain Quotes Funny

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Funny Quotes – Government Quotes The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. - Herbert Spencer Funny Quotes World

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Funny Quotes – Government Quotes The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. - Mark Twain Quotes

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Funny Quotes – Government Quotes The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. - Winston...

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Funny Quotes – Government Quotes The government is like a baby’s alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other. - Ronald Reagan Famous Quotes ...

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Funny Quotes – Government Quotes Talk is cheap… except when Congress does it. - Anonymous Famous Sayings

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Funny Quotes – Government Quotes No man’s life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session. - Mark Twain Famous Quotes

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Funny Quotes – Government Quotes Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn’t mean politics won’t take an interest in you. - Pericles (430 B.C.) Quotes World

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Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'll have a pint of blood."

The second one says, "I'll have one, too."

The third one says, "I'll have a pint of plasma."

The bartender says, "So, that'll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?"

Q: What's the ultimate rejection?

A: When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

Q: How is a man like a snowstorm?

A: You don't know when it's going to come, how many inches you'll get or how long it'll last.

Q: What do women, tornadoes and hurricanes have in common?

A: They all get the house.

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

I don't think I can get hard, I just got laid this morning!

Q: What's the difference between love and herpes?

A: Herpes lasts forever.

You're so small that when it rains you're the last to know!

One of my friends has a stutter, and a lot of people think that's a bad thing, but to me that's just like starting certain words with a drum roll. That's not an impediment, that's suspense.

Male comics are always coming up to me, and they're like, 'Hey, Natasha, don't you think you're a little attractive to be a comedian?' And I'm like, 'Don't you think you're a little ugly to be talking to me?'

It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy -- location, location, location.

Watch these guys who are apparently from Saudi Arabia mock skate down a highway. They are literally hanging out the door of a moving car!

A hilarious episode of "Balls of Steel" where a girl goes around hitting on guys while their girlfriends are with them!

Members of a that Westboro Baptist Church cult are lucky to escape alive after attending the funeral of a soldier who died while serving in Iraq.

There are very few people who can look at Richard Simmons and keep a straight face. The guy is just weird! Once again he proves why....

I've seen some pretty crazy tattoos but this one takes the cake! Who wants an image of a monkey putting its finger in another monkey's butthole etched on their stomach?

The creator of this video is a genius ;). Watch how Michael Richards' comedy club incident is brilliantly mixed into some Seinfeld episodes.

If his looks aren't enough to crack you up, then his answer of "the moustache" near the end will surely get you laughing.

Another funny video by the Chasers guys. This time they decide to test out the whole terrorist screening process at local airports.

A video where some US soldiers in Iraq are engaging in some questionable actions. Is this right or wrong? You be the judge.

A hilarious letter sent to the parents of this teacher's student.

Former heavyweight champion Rocky Balboa (Sylvester Stallone) steps out of retirement and back into the ring, pitting himself against a new rival decades after his initial glory. When a computer simulated boxing match declares Rocky Balboa the victor over current champion Mason "The Line" Dixon, the legendary fighter's passion and spirit are reignited. But when his desire to fight in small, regional...

In theatres December 22nd, 2006. Visit the official website here: Rocky.com

I can't believe just how clueless some people are. I wonder what rock this caller had just crawled out from under?

Looks like this man's inclined plane idea failed miserably. To make matters worse, the dirt in the wheelbarrow falls all over him as well.

Pay attention to the floor as this woman is straining herself to lift the weight. You'll notice that it gets a little wet ;)

So this guy decides to play a little prank during a job interview. Surprisingly, the interviewer was hardly fazed by such an absurd question.

The thrill of putting your life savings on the roulette table can't be matched by anything else, but it's obviously a dumb thing to do. However it paid off for this guy!

A hilarious piss take on Tequila which claims that it's the ultimate cure for shyness. The side effects are hilarious!

I'm not sure what exactly is in this salad, but I definitely didn't see any "penis" in there as the lady claims ;)

The captain of this ship must have been snoozing off or something. Watch this ship fall apart as it attempts to pass under a bridge that's obviously too low.

An officer pulls over a drunk driver and forces him to take a sobriety test. As you can see in the video, he failed miserably!

Here is another Parkour (free running) video created by two guys from Quebec. This "art" has gained popularity from the running scene in the new Bond movie.

Well I guess it was only a matter of time until something like this came out ;)

The master of head spinning right here! If his head was any pointier he'd probably drill himself to the other end of Earth ;)

A Fox News reporter is fed up with all the drunk Ohio State fans and decides to bodycheck the next person who steps out of line, which happened to be a girl.

This video definitely isn't for the faint heart! Check out the size of the hole in this old man's head. Unbelievable, I wonder what happened to him?

Soccer superstar Ronaldinho has produced what will go down as one of the greatest goals in soccer history this weekend. What a talent!

These before and after photos truly show the magic of makeup. The next time you see a beautiful cover girl, just ask yourself what may lie beneath ;)

The newest couple in America seems to be Paris Hilton and Britney Spears. Both were spotted partying at Paris Hilton's house the night before thanksgivingbut the real news is the bisexual news.

Apparently Britney Spears is bisexual according to Kevin Federline's comments...

"She told me all the time, yo, about how she dug women as much as she dug men. She was always wantin' me to hook her up with another bitch so we could all get busy together."

The claim is coming from Pugbus.net and it is extremely hard to verify the quotes of Kevin Federline at this moment. Either way, this is breaking news in the Celebrity scene and Jokeroo is here to report it.

The title says it all! There's really nothing else I'd like to add other than what the group of soldiers are doing in this video is just plain wrong!

This guy samples himself hitting his drums like an amateur, but then does a great job sequencing the samples into a sweet video.

Watch this double jointed kid maneuver himself into positions I never thought were possible. This guy can literally tie himself up into a knot!

Watch this cutie down a Praying Mantis without much hesitation. Wow, looks can definitely be deceiving!

Meet the man who can bowl backwards! The fact that he bowls backwards isn't that big of a deal, but he actually throws perfect strikes!

Watch this hilarious prank where a man walks around town sporting a (fake) giant boner that's visible by everyone!

Something tells me that Michael Richards was watching this Bill Hicks video before his latest outburst ;)

A guy dresses up as a modern day Robin Hood in Manhattan and starts handing out money. People just don't understand the concept of free money ;)

Here is a simple trick that anybody can do. All it requires is a cup of water, some pepper, and the magic ingredient... dish washing liquid ;)

It has been a while since we've done a game update, but here's one for all of you Prison Break fans.

The giant Yao Ming has been stuffed by Nate Robinson who stands only 5'9. Incase you don't know, Yao is over seven feet tall. What an embarrassment!

This guy is totally pissed at how Mormons bother people at their homes by trying to convert them, so he decides it's time for some payback ;)

A lady waiting for a parking spot just can't handle someone else stealing it from her. As a result she tries to bulldoze the other car out of the spot.

A crazy driver smashes into a parked ambulance. I wonder how he mentioned to do that? The officer was lucky to get out of the way.

Kramer's racist outburst caught on tape! What a terrible thing to do, especially since the new Seinfeld DVD has been recently launched.

Okay the Michael Jackson jokes might be getting a little old by now, but we think you'll have a good laugh at this one ;)

Here's a hilarious video someone made which makes it look as if Donald Rumsfeld is doing all sorts of funny things while speaking with the media.

Certain strings in typed in notepad such as "bush hid the facts" appears all mangled up when saved. Glitch or conspiracy? ;)

Apparently this religious guy has found some anti-Christian lyrics in a Jay-Z track.

Here's a video of Frank Caliendo doing his famous impression on the David Letterman show.

Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise are finally husband and wife. The two scientologists had what was known as a fairy tale wedding in Italy. Many of the guests who showed up include, Will Smith, Jim Carrey, David Beckham, Jennifer Lopez and many more. Enjoy all the photos...

While people are practically killing each other in lines to get the new PS3, these guys decide to smash one to pieces in public!