This is a new project that I am starting, I have gotten so many funny emails over the years and I usually just keep them and/or forward them. Now I am going to post them on this site and just forward the links. If I have time I'll set it up so other people can do the same and we can just have one place to store humorous things but until then, this is it.
Trying to get a drunk girl to finish is like trying to take a drunk girl home when she can't remember where she lives. She's like, 'That's not it, that's not it, that's not it.'
In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men. Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous ... or what?"
"Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied. "It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't pout when I yell at them."
This duck walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk says no, and the duck leaves.
The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk again says no, and the duck leaves.
The day after that, the duck walks in the store again and asks "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk screams at the duck, "You've come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes. I told you no every time that we don't have any grapes! I swear if you come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I'll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!"
The duck left, and returned the next day. This time he asked, "Do you have any nails?" The clerk replied, "No," and the duck said, "Good! Got any grapes?"
The teacher walked into the classroom to find the word "penis" chalked in small letters on the board. She was a bit embarrassed, so she didn't say anything, but rubbed it out and went on with the class.
But the next day when she came in, she found the same thing again - "penis", this time written slightly larger. So she rubbed it out again, and went on with the lesson.
Again next day, in larger letters, there was the word "penis" again. With a red face she rubbed it out and went on with the lesson.
Well, this went on for a whole week, every day the word penis getting bigger.
Finally, on Friday she went into the classroom to find chalked up: "See, the harder you rub it, the bigger it gets!"
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!"
The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "BITCH!"
They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road and dies.
A group of 40 year old buddies discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the White Spot restaurant because...
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Black people start making money and want to do stuff we would never do, want to climb mountains. It's right there -- you ain't got to climb it, you got a house. Why you gotta go outside and climb a rock?
To put that number in perspective, 6.5 billion people is so many people that anything that's humanely imaginable, as you imagine it, somewhere on the planet, there is a motherf**ker doing it.
There are so many people in this city, so much happening, that it's impossible to tell if your apartment is haunted. Think about that, that's true. 'Cause you can hear anything, at any hour -- there's always something to blame it on.
http://swayamvar.xaapa.com(DO WATCH OUT)
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Horoscope 2010 – GENERAL
A more free-spirited and faithful attitude towards life is with you in 2010, dear Pisces. Your intuition is heightened to possibly even uncanny levels this year. While the year is a contented one on many levels, you enjoy an increasing feeling of hope, optimism, and spiritual protection. You are building your resources, getting [...]
Horoscope 2010 – GENERAL
For you dear Aquarius, the year 2010 is excellent for personal popularity and influence, as well as getting personal initiatives off the ground. For most of you, this is a power year, with more power to you for some years to come. You have special charisma and magnetism this year. Saturn keeps [...]
Horoscope 2010 – GENERAL
A year-long trend towards greater abundance of personal income is in your forecast, dear Capricorn. You could never be defined as a materialistic person, but your attention this year is certainly on the more material, physical, and practical areas of your life. At the root of this focus is the desire for increased [...]
Horoscope 2010 – GENERAL
Communications, learning, and social contact are areas of your life that are undergoing a major transformation in 2010 for you, dear Sagittarius. You may increase your moneysupply through the communications industry this year. In general, you are becoming more conservative with your finances and possessions, and more prudent or cautious in general. At the [...]
Horoscope 2010 – GENERAL
A total transformation of your personal life is in the works in 2010, dear Scorpio. Activity on the home front and in your personal life is energetic. You could be making money from home, acquiring new items for the home that involve networking, and devoting much energy to building and maintaining your [...]
Horoscope 2010 – GENERAL
A beautiful trend with you in 2010 occurs in the “life departments” of romance, creative pursuits, children, and recreation. Libras are learning to let their hair down and have some serious fun this year! Getting your life completely on track is also a strong theme, but you are able to find a [...]
I have this thing that I do called 'Mysteries of the Universe,' when I gaze up at the countless stars and infinite galaxies. I realize how small and insignificant my girlfriend is. So, I get drunk and cheat on her with my 18-year-old neighbor.
4th of July Jokes
Funny Jokes – 4th of July JokesHow is a healthy person like the United States?
They both have good constitutions!
What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country?
Beneduck...
Funny Quotes – Government Quotes
A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.
- Gerald Ford
Funny Jokes
Funny Quotes – Government Quotes
The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.
- Herbert Spencer
Funny Quotes World
Funny Quotes – Government Quotes
The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.
- Winston...
Funny Quotes – Government Quotes
The government is like a baby’s alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other.
- Ronald Reagan
Famous Quotes
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Funny Quotes – Government Quotes
Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn’t mean politics won’t take an interest in you.
- Pericles (430 B.C.)
Quotes World
One of my friends has a stutter, and a lot of people think that's a bad thing, but to me that's just like starting certain words with a drum roll. That's not an impediment, that's suspense.
Male comics are always coming up to me, and they're like, 'Hey, Natasha, don't you think you're a little attractive to be a comedian?' And I'm like, 'Don't you think you're a little ugly to be talking to me?'
I've seen some pretty crazy tattoos but this one takes the cake! Who wants an image of a monkey putting its finger in another monkey's butthole etched on their stomach?
Former heavyweight champion Rocky Balboa (Sylvester Stallone) steps out of retirement and back into the ring, pitting himself against a new rival decades after his initial glory. When a computer simulated boxing match declares Rocky Balboa the victor over current champion Mason "The Line" Dixon, the legendary fighter's passion and spirit are reignited. But when his desire to fight in small, regional...
In theatres December 22nd, 2006. Visit the official website here: Rocky.com
The thrill of putting your life savings on the roulette table can't be matched by anything else, but it's obviously a dumb thing to do. However it paid off for this guy!
The captain of this ship must have been snoozing off or something. Watch this ship fall apart as it attempts to pass under a bridge that's obviously too low.
Here is another Parkour (free running) video created by two guys from Quebec. This "art" has gained popularity from the running scene in the new Bond movie.
A Fox News reporter is fed up with all the drunk Ohio State fans and decides to bodycheck the next person who steps out of line, which happened to be a girl.
The newest couple in America seems to be Paris Hilton and Britney Spears. Both were spotted partying at Paris Hilton's house the night before thanksgivingbut the real news is the bisexual news.
Apparently Britney Spears is bisexual according to Kevin Federline's comments...
"She told me all the time, yo, about how she dug women as much as she dug men. She was always wantin' me to hook her up with another bitch so we could all get busy together."
The claim is coming from Pugbus.net and it is extremely hard to verify the quotes of Kevin Federline at this moment. Either way, this is breaking news in the Celebrity scene and Jokeroo is here to report it.
A lady waiting for a parking spot just can't handle someone else stealing it from her. As a result she tries to bulldoze the other car out of the spot.
Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise are finally husband and wife. The two scientologists had what was known as a fairy tale wedding in Italy. Many of the guests who showed up include, Will Smith, Jim Carrey, David Beckham, Jennifer Lopez and many more. Enjoy all the photos...