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Jokes

This is a new project that I am starting, I have gotten so many funny emails over the years and I usually just keep them and/or forward them. Now I am going to post them on this site and just forward the links. If I have time I'll set it up so other people can do the same and we can just have one place to store humorous things but until then, this is it.

Why does Michael Jackson like baseball games?

Because he gets to see some balls.

Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons!

A mother has 3 girls, they all got married, but she wants to know how the sex is, so she says that after the night on the honeymoon, they write a postcard saying how it went.

The 1st girl writes: M&M's.

Puzzled, the women buys a pack of M&M's and reads the slogan "It melts in your mouth, not in your hand."

The 2nd girl writes: Campbell's soup.

Again the mom buys some cambles soup and reads, "Mmm ... mmm ... good."

3 weeks pass and the 3rd girl finally writes: Ford

The mom goes to her ford jeep and reads "The best never stop."

Why were men given larger brains than dogs?

1) So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
2) So they wouldn't stop to play with every other man they see when you take them around the block.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work for a construction crew. One day, they were on their lunch break, sitting on a beam thirty stories high. They all note that they've had the same lunch for as long as they were on the job. They agreed if they opened their lunchboxes and found the same lunch, they would all hurl themselves off the beam.

The next day, the police are investigating the scene where the three women fell. When the police asked the husbands of the women, the brunette and the redhead's husbands both said, "If I had known, I would have given her something different." However, the blonde's husband said, "Don't look at me, she packs her own lunch."

What's the difference between a jeweller and a jailer?

One sells watches and the other watches cells.

What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?

Run like hell ... she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.

Why do men fart louder than women?

at 10:13 AM, 02/08/2010

Why do men fart louder than women?

Because they have a microphone and two speakers.

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."

The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?" asks the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back.

The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"

The Irishman replies, "Oh ... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."

A man has 6 items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

I have the body of a godBuddha.

at 14:14 PM, 02/06/2010

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Short Dictionary of common dating terminology

Two Polish guys are discussing one's upcoming wedding.
"I'm not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not...

What do spiders drink Apple spider.

at 14:13 PM, 02/02/2010

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Rahul Dulhaniya le Jayega : Fatehgarh Palace

by @ B H i at 13:30 PM, 02/01/2010

http://swayamvar.xaapa.com (DO Wtach Out) Location : Fatehgarh Palace Rahul Dulhaniya le Jayega : Fatehgarh Palace Rahul Dulhaniya le Jayega : Fatehgarh Palace Rahul Dulhaniya le Jayega : Fatehgarh Palace Rahul Dulhaniya le Jayega : Fatehgarh Palace Rahul Dulhaniya le [...]

http://swayamvar.xaapa.com(DO WATCH OUT) WATCH EPISODE 1 VIDEO ( Click for More) Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10

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@ B H i

by @ B H i at 07:05 AM, 12/06/2009

Horoscope 2010 – GENERAL A more free-spirited and faithful attitude towards life is with you in 2010, dear Pisces. Your intuition is heightened to possibly even uncanny levels this year. While the year is a contented one on many levels, you enjoy an increasing feeling of hope, optimism, and spiritual protection. You are building your resources, getting [...]

@ B H i

by @ B H i at 07:03 AM, 12/06/2009

Horoscope 2010 – GENERAL For you dear Aquarius, the year 2010 is excellent for personal popularity and influence, as well as getting personal initiatives off the ground. For most of you, this is a power year, with more power to you for some years to come. You have special charisma and magnetism this year. Saturn keeps [...]

@ B H i

by @ B H i at 07:01 AM, 12/06/2009

Horoscope 2010 – GENERAL A year-long trend towards greater abundance of personal income is in your forecast, dear Capricorn. You could never be defined as a materialistic person, but your attention this year is certainly on the more material, physical, and practical areas of your life. At the root of this focus is the desire for increased [...]

@ B H i

by @ B H i at 11:45 AM, 12/05/2009

Horoscope 2010 – GENERAL Communications, learning, and social contact are areas of your life that are undergoing a major transformation in 2010 for you, dear Sagittarius. You may increase your moneysupply through the communications industry this year. In general, you are becoming more conservative with your finances and possessions, and more prudent or cautious in general. At the [...]

@ B H i

by @ B H i at 11:42 AM, 12/05/2009

Horoscope 2010 – GENERAL A total transformation of your personal life is in the works in 2010, dear Scorpio. Activity on the home front and in your personal life is energetic. You could be making money from home, acquiring new items for the home that involve networking, and devoting much energy to building and maintaining your [...]

@ B H i

by @ B H i at 11:39 AM, 12/05/2009

Horoscope 2010 – GENERAL A beautiful trend with you in 2010 occurs in the “life departments” of romance, creative pursuits, children, and recreation. Libras are learning to let their hair down and have some serious fun this year! Getting your life completely on track is also a strong theme, but you are able to find a [...]

@ B H i

by @ B H i at 11:33 AM, 12/05/2009

Horoscope 2010 – GENERAL Relationships are moving to a completely new level for you in 2010, dear Leo. This could be a banner year for connecting with a significant other. Some of you will form a partnership that either leads to marriage or is otherwise significant. Plenty of social activities, particularly with a partner, figure this [...]

@ B H i

by @ B H i at 11:31 AM, 12/05/2009

Horoscope 2010 – GENERAL 2010 is certainly an easier year for you than was the case in the second half of 2006 and throughout much of 2007, dear Virgo. This year, you find more joy in your daily routines. Although work can be rather hectic at times, you tend to enjoy taking care of all the [...]

quotes

by quotes at 11:10 AM, 07/03/2009

4th of July Jokes Funny Jokes – 4th of July JokesHow is a healthy person like the United States? They both have good constitutions! What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country? Beneduck...

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quotes

by quotes at 06:57 AM, 05/18/2009

Funny Quotes – Government Quotes A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. - Gerald Ford Funny Jokes

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quotes

by quotes at 06:56 AM, 05/17/2009

Funny Quotes – Government Quotes There is no distinctly native American criminal class… save Congress. - Mark Twain Quotes Funny

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quotes

by quotes at 05:54 AM, 05/16/2009

Funny Quotes – Government Quotes The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. - Herbert Spencer Funny Quotes World

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quotes

by quotes at 06:53 AM, 05/15/2009

Funny Quotes – Government Quotes The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. - Mark Twain Quotes

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quotes

by quotes at 06:51 AM, 05/14/2009

Funny Quotes – Government Quotes The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. - Winston...

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quotes

by quotes at 06:51 AM, 05/13/2009

Funny Quotes – Government Quotes The government is like a baby’s alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other. - Ronald Reagan Famous Quotes ...

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quotes

by quotes at 05:59 AM, 05/12/2009

Funny Quotes – Government Quotes Talk is cheap… except when Congress does it. - Anonymous Famous Sayings

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quotes

by quotes at 06:47 AM, 05/11/2009

Funny Quotes – Government Quotes No man’s life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session. - Mark Twain Famous Quotes

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quotes

by quotes at 06:45 AM, 05/10/2009

Funny Quotes – Government Quotes Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn’t mean politics won’t take an interest in you. - Pericles (430 B.C.) Quotes World

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Redneck Divorce

by Comedy Central at 00:33 AM, 12/01/2008

Q: What do a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common?

A: In the end, someone is going to lose a trailer.

Florida Orange Growers

by Comedy Central at 00:33 AM, 12/01/2008

Q: Why did Florida orange growers offer O.J. Simpson $3 million?

A: To change his name to Apple Juice.

Tell Me Everything

by Comedy Central at 03:11 AM, 10/30/2008

Tell me everything you know...I have a few seconds to waste.

Another Saturday Night

by Comedy Central at 03:11 AM, 10/30/2008

Why do brunettes know so many blonde jokes?

Gives 'em something to do on Saturday night!

He's So Lucky, He's A Star

by Comedy Central at 03:11 AM, 10/30/2008

What do you call a redneck with a functioning car?

Lucky!

Pretty Woman in West Virginia

by Comedy Central at 03:11 AM, 10/30/2008

What do West Virginians call a pretty woman?

A tourist.

West Virginian Women

by Comedy Central at 03:11 AM, 10/30/2008

What do you call 32 West Virginian women in one room?

A full set of teeth.

Rednecks at School

by Comedy Central at 03:11 AM, 10/30/2008

You can tell when you're a Redneck when you walk with your son to school because you're in the same grade.

Redneck Marriage

by Comedy Central at 03:11 AM, 10/30/2008

How can you tell if a redneck is married?
There is tobacco spit stains on BOTH sides of his pickup truck.

Why did the city build a graveyard...

by Comedy Central at 03:11 AM, 10/30/2008

Q: Why did the city build a graveyard across the street from the retirement home?

A: So all the old people can see there futures!

Yo' Mama Is Like... Beached Whale

by Comedy Central at 03:11 AM, 10/30/2008

Yo' Mama is like a beached whale: stinky and tragic, but you can't help but stare.

Yo mama's...Beach

by Comedy Central at 03:11 AM, 10/30/2008

Yo mama's so fat that when she goes walking on the beach in heals she strikes oil.

Sunroof You All Night Long

by Comedy Central at 03:11 AM, 10/30/2008

Why do blondes like sunroofs?

More legroom!

Flies in a Lightbulb

by Comedy Central at 03:11 AM, 10/30/2008

How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two, but I don't know how they got in there.

With a Y

by Comedy Central at 03:11 AM, 10/30/2008

Q: How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: That's "womyn" with a Y, and it's not funny!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

at 23:00 PM, 04/15/2008

Today's Dilbert Comic

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

at 23:00 PM, 04/14/2008

Today's Dilbert Comic

Monday, April 14, 2008

at 23:00 PM, 04/13/2008

Today's Dilbert Comic

Sunday, April 13, 2008

at 23:00 PM, 04/12/2008

Today's Dilbert Comic

Saturday, April 12, 2008

at 23:00 PM, 04/11/2008

Today's Dilbert Comic

Friday, April 11, 2008

at 23:00 PM, 04/10/2008

Today's Dilbert Comic

Saudi Road Skating

at 21:00 PM, 11/30/2006

Watch these guys who are apparently from Saudi Arabia mock skate down a highway. They are literally hanging out the door of a moving car!

Stealing Boyfriends

at 21:00 PM, 11/30/2006

A hilarious episode of "Balls of Steel" where a girl goes around hitting on guys while their girlfriends are with them!

Westboro Baptist Church Incident

at 21:00 PM, 11/30/2006

Members of a that Westboro Baptist Church cult are lucky to escape alive after attending the funeral of a soldier who died while serving in Iraq.

Richard Simmons on Letterman

at 21:00 PM, 11/30/2006

There are very few people who can look at Richard Simmons and keep a straight face. The guy is just weird! Once again he proves why....

Crazy Tattoo

at 21:00 PM, 11/30/2006

I've seen some pretty crazy tattoos but this one takes the cake! Who wants an image of a monkey putting its finger in another monkey's butthole etched on their stomach?

Seinfeld Lost Episode

at 21:00 PM, 11/29/2006

The creator of this video is a genius ;). Watch how Michael Richards' comedy club incident is brilliantly mixed into some Seinfeld episodes.

Peoples Court Weirdo

at 21:00 PM, 11/29/2006

If his looks aren't enough to crack you up, then his answer of "the moustache" near the end will surely get you laughing.

Chasers "Terry Rist"

at 21:00 PM, 11/29/2006

Another funny video by the Chasers guys. This time they decide to test out the whole terrorist screening process at local airports.

You Loot We Shoot

at 21:00 PM, 11/29/2006

A video where some US soldiers in Iraq are engaging in some questionable actions. Is this right or wrong? You be the judge.

Retarded Teacher

at 21:00 PM, 11/29/2006

A hilarious letter sent to the parents of this teacher's student.

Rocky Balboa

at 21:00 PM, 11/29/2006

Former heavyweight champion Rocky Balboa (Sylvester Stallone) steps out of retirement and back into the ring, pitting himself against a new rival decades after his initial glory. When a computer simulated boxing match declares Rocky Balboa the victor over current champion Mason "The Line" Dixon, the legendary fighter's passion and spirit are reignited. But when his desire to fight in small, regional...

In theatres December 22nd, 2006. Visit the official website here: Rocky.com

It's GLAD WRAP!!!!

at 21:00 PM, 11/28/2006

I can't believe just how clueless some people are. I wonder what rock this caller had just crawled out from under?

Wheelbarrow Slip

at 21:00 PM, 11/28/2006

Looks like this man's inclined plane idea failed miserably. To make matters worse, the dirt in the wheelbarrow falls all over him as well.

A Wet Lift

at 21:00 PM, 11/28/2006

Pay attention to the floor as this woman is straining herself to lift the weight. You'll notice that it gets a little wet ;)

Masturbation Problem

at 21:00 PM, 11/28/2006

So this guy decides to play a little prank during a job interview. Surprisingly, the interviewer was hardly fazed by such an absurd question.

Gambling Your Life Savings

at 21:00 PM, 11/28/2006

The thrill of putting your life savings on the roulette table can't be matched by anything else, but it's obviously a dumb thing to do. However it paid off for this guy!

Cure for Shyness

at 21:00 PM, 11/27/2006

A hilarious piss take on Tequila which claims that it's the ultimate cure for shyness. The side effects are hilarious!

Penis Salad

at 21:00 PM, 11/27/2006

I'm not sure what exactly is in this salad, but I definitely didn't see any "penis" in there as the lady claims ;)

Ship Gets Wrecked

at 21:00 PM, 11/27/2006

The captain of this ship must have been snoozing off or something. Watch this ship fall apart as it attempts to pass under a bridge that's obviously too low.

Funny Sobriety Test

at 21:00 PM, 11/27/2006

An officer pulls over a drunk driver and forces him to take a sobriety test. As you can see in the video, he failed miserably!

Awesome Parkour

at 21:00 PM, 11/27/2006

Here is another Parkour (free running) video created by two guys from Quebec. This "art" has gained popularity from the running scene in the new Bond movie.

Kramer's Rap

at 21:00 PM, 11/26/2006

Well I guess it was only a matter of time until something like this came out ;)

Head Spin Master

at 21:00 PM, 11/26/2006

The master of head spinning right here! If his head was any pointier he'd probably drill himself to the other end of Earth ;)

Reporter Checks Girl

at 21:00 PM, 11/26/2006

A Fox News reporter is fed up with all the drunk Ohio State fans and decides to bodycheck the next person who steps out of line, which happened to be a girl.

Hole in the Head

at 21:00 PM, 11/26/2006

This video definitely isn't for the faint heart! Check out the size of the hole in this old man's head. Unbelievable, I wonder what happened to him?

Ronaldinho Wonder Goal

at 21:00 PM, 11/26/2006

Soccer superstar Ronaldinho has produced what will go down as one of the greatest goals in soccer history this weekend. What a talent!

The Magic of Makeup

at 21:00 PM, 11/26/2006

These before and after photos truly show the magic of makeup. The next time you see a beautiful cover girl, just ask yourself what may lie beneath ;)

Britney Spears & Paris Hilton Bisexual?

at 21:00 PM, 11/23/2006

The newest couple in America seems to be Paris Hilton and Britney Spears. Both were spotted partying at Paris Hilton's house the night before thanksgivingbut the real news is the bisexual news.

Apparently Britney Spears is bisexual according to Kevin Federline's comments...

"She told me all the time, yo, about how she dug women as much as she dug men. She was always wantin' me to hook her up with another bitch so we could all get busy together."


The claim is coming from Pugbus.net and it is extremely hard to verify the quotes of Kevin Federline at this moment. Either way, this is breaking news in the Celebrity scene and Jokeroo is here to report it.

Soldiers Teasing Thirsty Kids

at 21:00 PM, 11/23/2006

The title says it all! There's really nothing else I'd like to add other than what the group of soldiers are doing in this video is just plain wrong!

Drum Samples Video

at 21:00 PM, 11/23/2006

This guy samples himself hitting his drums like an amateur, but then does a great job sequencing the samples into a sweet video.

Double Jointed

at 21:00 PM, 11/23/2006

Watch this double jointed kid maneuver himself into positions I never thought were possible. This guy can literally tie himself up into a knot!

Girl Eats Praying Mantis

at 21:00 PM, 11/23/2006

Watch this cutie down a Praying Mantis without much hesitation. Wow, looks can definitely be deceiving!

Backwards Bowling

at 21:00 PM, 11/23/2006

Meet the man who can bowl backwards! The fact that he bowls backwards isn't that big of a deal, but he actually throws perfect strikes!

Public Boner

at 21:00 PM, 11/22/2006

Watch this hilarious prank where a man walks around town sporting a (fake) giant boner that's visible by everyone!

Bill Hicks and a Heckler

at 21:00 PM, 11/22/2006

Something tells me that Michael Richards was watching this Bill Hicks video before his latest outburst ;)

Modern Day Robin Hood

at 21:00 PM, 11/22/2006

A guy dresses up as a modern day Robin Hood in Manhattan and starts handing out money. People just don't understand the concept of free money ;)

A Cool Trick

at 21:00 PM, 11/22/2006

Here is a simple trick that anybody can do. All it requires is a cup of water, some pepper, and the magic ingredient... dish washing liquid ;)

Prison Break

at 21:00 PM, 11/22/2006

It has been a while since we've done a game update, but here's one for all of you Prison Break fans.

Yao Ming Stuffed!

at 21:00 PM, 11/21/2006

The giant Yao Ming has been stuffed by Nate Robinson who stands only 5'9. Incase you don't know, Yao is over seven feet tall. What an embarrassment!

Converting Mormons

at 21:00 PM, 11/21/2006

This guy is totally pissed at how Mormons bother people at their homes by trying to convert them, so he decides it's time for some payback ;)

Extreme Road Rage

at 21:00 PM, 11/21/2006

A lady waiting for a parking spot just can't handle someone else stealing it from her. As a result she tries to bulldoze the other car out of the spot.

Crashing into an Ambulance

at 21:00 PM, 11/21/2006

A crazy driver smashes into a parked ambulance. I wonder how he mentioned to do that? The officer was lucky to get out of the way.

Kramer's Racist Outburst

at 21:00 PM, 11/21/2006

Kramer's racist outburst caught on tape! What a terrible thing to do, especially since the new Seinfeld DVD has been recently launched.

Jacko Invades Home Alone

at 21:00 PM, 11/20/2006

Okay the Michael Jackson jokes might be getting a little old by now, but we think you'll have a good laugh at this one ;)

Rumsfeld Funny Hand Gestures

at 21:00 PM, 11/20/2006

Here's a hilarious video someone made which makes it look as if Donald Rumsfeld is doing all sorts of funny things while speaking with the media.

Notepad Hidden Text

at 21:00 PM, 11/20/2006

Certain strings in typed in notepad such as "bush hid the facts" appears all mangled up when saved. Glitch or conspiracy? ;)

Jay-Z Subliminal Messages

at 21:00 PM, 11/20/2006

Apparently this religious guy has found some anti-Christian lyrics in a Jay-Z track.

Frank Caliendo

at 21:00 PM, 11/20/2006

Here's a video of Frank Caliendo doing his famous impression on the David Letterman show.

Katie & Tom's Wedding Pictures

at 21:00 PM, 11/20/2006

Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise are finally husband and wife. The two scientologists had what was known as a fairy tale wedding in Italy. Many of the guests who showed up include, Will Smith, Jim Carrey, David Beckham, Jennifer Lopez and many more. Enjoy all the photos...

Smashing a PS3

at 21:00 PM, 11/19/2006

While people are practically killing each other in lines to get the new PS3, these guys decide to smash one to pieces in public!

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